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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/10/my-coworkers-arent-following-our-return-to-office-mandate-employee-has-a-suspicious-spot-on-their-hand-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33843

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworkers aren’t following our return-to-office mandate

My company’s return-to-office mandate is eight days a month for at least five hours each day. The tracking system, however, only records “days in office,” not hours.

As a result, many coworkers come in for an hour or two, grab coffee (we have very good coffee), and leave. They don’t get flagged because the system shows compliance, even though they’re not following the written rules. My manager hasn’t addressed it, though he must know it’s happening.

I’ve been following the letter of the rules, and resentment is starting to build. Upper management keeps stressing the mandate, but on the ground there’s no real enforcement. I’ve only been here for a year but I have good relationships with my coworkers and manager. I value the flexibility we have and don’t want to be the office tattletale. How should I handle my frustration in this situation?

It’s really up to your manager to decide (a) whether he cares that it’s happening and (b) whether to address it. He may not care! That’s his prerogative, if so — at least to the extent that management above him permits him to look the other way. For all we know, the managers above him might not care either.

You can either keep doing what you’re doing or, if you want to, start to use some of the flexibility your manager is apparently granting to others. If your concern is that your coworkers are going to ruin work-from-home for everyone else by abusing the current system … well, they might. But it’s not something you have control over; it’s your manager’s to decide how to manage that, and at the moment he’s choosing to let it go.

That said, you could ask him directly about that: “Should we be worried that we’re at risk of work-from-home being revoked completely if people don’t work their full five hours in the office when they come in? I admit it worries me and I wondered what your take is on that.”

2. My employee has a suspicious spot on their hand

I manage a team remotely so I rarely see my team from the shoulders down. We had an on-site event recently and I noticed that one of my direct reports has a very suspicious looking spot on their hand that looks like that could be cancerous. I only recognized it because I have a similar spot on my foot and my doctor was concerned it might be cancer (it wasn’t). Is there any way I could bring this up as something they might want to get checked out? None of us are medical professionals and I don’t know if I would be severely overstepping as their manager by saying anything.

You can bring it up once; just leave it in their court after that, regardless of what they do with the info. Don’t check back with them, and make it clear you’re just giving them information that they can act on or ignore as they want.

I’d say it this way: “I don’t want to overstep and I try not to comment on health things, but I noticed you have a spot on your hand that looks exactly like one I had that my doctor wanted me to get checked out in case it was cancerous. You might have already looked into this, but in case you haven’t, I wanted to mention it.” Then, leave it to them.

3. I was rejected for culture fit — should I encourage them to reconsider?

I was recently invited to interview for an admin position at a very small business. They emphasized heavily that the role involves a lot of time pressure, and in particular that the boss (who puts a lot of focus on getting each project perfect for each client) can be quite demanding, but that she recognizes when she oversteps and apologizes / offers perks to make up for it. The interviewer mentioned having worked for her for over 20 years, so I believe her that this wouldn’t be like walking into a nightmare like the horror stories you so often hear.

I felt like the interview went really well, that it was a role that would really suit me, and that I’d done a great job of conveying my skills to the interviewer. Unfortunately, that same afternoon I received a rejection letter: “After lengthy discussions among my team, I need to advise you that unfortunately your application has not been successful. We felt that you interviewed well and we are sure you would be able to manage the work, but your gentle and quiet demeanor made us unsure as to whether you would be happy working in our sometimes very hectic office. If you wish to discuss anything, please reach out to me next week. We otherwise wish you the very best in your search for a new job.”

I understand it takes me a little bit of time to warm up to people and that I tend to listen more than speak until I do, but I really feel that this won’t be the sort of long-term obstacle to my success and happiness that they’re worried it would become. I understand that part of the reason why employers are reluctant to offer specific feedback is because it invites the applicant to disagree, and I respect that they understand the role a lot better than I do, but… I understand myself a lot better than they do, and it feels rough being rejected based on something I would have removed myself from the pool over if I had serious reservations about it.

I’m not sure what to make of their offer to call them back if I have anything to discuss. My main thought is to call them, thank them for the consideration and feedback, explain what I’ve just told you, and wish them luck with their other candidates but invite them to reconsider me if it turns out they don’t like any of their other options? I’m not really sure whether that would come across as overstepping. Should I do it, or just move on?

Move on and consider that this might be a bullet dodged. A very small business emphasizing heavily that the role involves a demanding boss who tends to oversteps and needs to apologize and offer perks to make up for it does sound like it has high potential to be a nightmare. The fact that your interviewer had worked there for 20 years makes me more concerned, not less, because people tend to get used to dysfunction over time and start to accept things someone newer to the business would be horrified by. If you’d talked to multiple people who had been there only a few years and seemed happy, I’d find that more reassuring — but a small business with a 20-year employee reporting this? Big caution sign.

Moreover, in a small business, personality fit can be really important, and you don’t want to try to persuade them the fit is right if they’re not already convinced. And in this context, “your gentle and quiet demeanor made us unsure as to whether you would be happy here” sounds highly likely to mean “you need a much thicker skin because you’ll be working in what most people would consider a difficult environment.” When you combine it with the paragraph above, I’d figure the rejection is a blessing in disguise — or at the very least, not one to try to get overturned.

Related:
should I work for a tiny organization?

4. I don’t want to post a photo on our website

I work in academia in a support team. I’ve worked in this position for several years. I have an academic work ID and was able to get a department badge before they discontinued creating them. Last week, I received an email from upper management saying that they’d like my team to have recognizable photos on the website for our department and in our directory because we deal with a lot of customers. The message did include a line saying that if for some reason we don’t want a photo, we should contact a specific person.

This messages also went to the other three women techs and the rest who do not have a headshot image on the website. The exception being one of my coworkers who is friends with one of the upper management and who was not included in the email. He had his image removed about a year or so ago because he didn’t like how he looked.

At one of my previous jobs, I was harassed by the clientele. Some of them tried to get more specific details about me like my last name. I feel like that could have led to creepy behavior and/or something worse.

Any suggestions I can use to say no respectfully? Especially in academia, I strongly prefer to minimize my online presence for my own safety. Again, I have my ID and badge. I have no problem showing those when requested.

It seems like they pretty explicitly opened the door for you to say no, by acknowledging that someone might have a preference not to do this. But even if they hadn’t, it would be fine to reply back and say, “I prefer not to post a photo for safety reasons, although of course I’m always happy to show my ID and badge if asked.”

5. My coworker keeps insisting I must speak Spanish

I have a coworker who keeps asking me if I speak Spanish. I have told her multiple times that I am not fluent in Spanish and cannot translate, but she keeps asking.. My name is Jose and I have a darker complexion compared to her.

In my mind, this has surpassed the reasonable expectation that someone would forget about my skill set and has ventured into profiling based on my heritage. Is this a valid issue to bring to HR if this type of behavior continues even after I’ve consulted with the department heads of both parties?

Yes, and it’s a problem that your coworker’s boss has been informed and hasn’t put a stop to it yet. I wish I knew what both managers’ responses had been when you addressed it with them — but regardless, if it’s still happening, talk to HR.

The post my coworkers aren’t following our return-to-office mandate, employee has a suspicious spot on their hand, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/10/my-coworkers-arent-following-our-return-to-office-mandate-employee-has-a-suspicious-spot-on-their-hand-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33843